Things Not to Say to Your Mother on Mother's Day
Let's face it: every day is special with Mom, but Mother's Day is extra special because it probably means free brunch at a fancy hotel with your parents. So don't screw it up by saying any of the following things.
#01
I forgot.
(You did not, you liar. Or maybe you did which is, actually, way worse.)
#02
Mother's Day is overrated!
(She felt the same way about wiping fecal matter from the ass of a screaming creature the size of an alley cat every four hours for a year.)
#03
My therapist wants you to attend my next session.
(I'm gonna just teleconference in though.)
#04
Guess what, Dad's new wife is coming to brunch with us!
(Only cool if Dad's new wife is related to Mom. Wait, that's not cool.)
#05
Why didn't you tell me I was adopted until I was too old to do anything about it?
(Timing is everything.)
#06
What do you mean dinner isn't ready?
(Why aren't you barefoot? And in the kitchen?)
#07
Mother's Day was made up by anti-American hippies who love terrorism.
(Also known as Hallmark.)
#08
I'm legally emancipated; Mother's Day means nothing to me.
(That's weird... because your inability to meet rent this month suddenly means nothing to her.)
#09
Happy Mother's Day, you were the best mom ever. Love forever, Inmate #3116, Big Ass Federal Prison, Middle of Nowhere, California
#10