How to Tell Your Date's a Young Republican
You're probably already pretty adept at avoiding right-wing nonsense. If Bill O'Reilly pops his ruddy face onto the TV screen, you know to change the channel. If Uncle Mike drinks too much at Thanksgiving and starts spouting off racial slurs you know it's time to go help with the dishes. But what if you've agreed to a date with a seemingly nice, upstanding young man and he turns out to be a total Republican? There are warning signs...
#01
He wears a blue blazer and khaki Dockers everywhere.
#02
His imaginary friend was named Alex P. Keaton.
#03
He popped out of the womb in a polo shirt and perfectly combed hair.
#04
He is his own chastity belt.
#05
All throughout dinner he complains about the degradation of "our moral fabric" but he keeps sneaking off to the bathroom to do coke.
#06
He owns a signed copy of "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids."
#07
He falls asleep to "Hannity and Colmes" DVDs every night.
#08
He's uncomfortable around most people his age.
#09
He was beaten up all throughout elementary school, high school and college.
#10
He wears a thick sweater vest tied around his shoulders even when it's hot, just to show those liberals that global warming's all a big scam..
#11
He's a bad tipper.
#12
He has an extensive lapel pin collection.
#13
He keeps mumbling about a regime change at the next table over.
#14
He asks to see the Freedom Wine menu.
#15
When the restaurant is out of a specific menu item, he ends all negotiations and forces other patrons to do the same.
#16