More Secrets from Our Lady of Fatima
Okay, just in case you're one of those sinners who isn't devout enough to know the miracle that visited the three kids with wild imaginations, here it is: Way back on May 13, 1917, the Virgin Mary appeared to three siblings in Fatima, Portugal. This vision created quite a hubbub when she made the sun go all wonky in front of a crowd of 70,000 people. Anyway, the big deal about Our Lady of Fatima is that she also had three secrets she offered the children. First, she gave them a vision of Hell. (Nice.) Then, she gave them instructions on how to save souls from Hell and convert the world to Catholicism, particularly Russia. (Still working on that, I guess.) And finally, she gave them a vision that the Pope would die. (Ta da! She was right about that one at least.) Anyway, she actually had a ton more secrets, but would you trust children with divine revelation? She didn't either, so she gave the really important ones to us.
#01
Kristin Shepard shot J.R.
(Yeah, it seems dated now, but just imagine if she'd revealed this in 1917.)
#02
If you're looking for a good time, you can do better than a number on a bathroom wall.
(Lady of Fatima wasn't the only kind of "Lady" lifestyle she dabbled in.)
#03
Soylent Green is people!!!
#04
The Catholic Church will learn to forgive the Nazis.
#05
An angry white woman will shoot her political opponent, a wise black man, once he is elected president of a very powerful country.
(Huh? We have no idea what this means.)
#06
Beware of planes flown from Honolulu to Los Angeles.
#07
And snakes on aforementioned planes.
#08
Suck it, Nostradamus.
(We asked for clarification on this, but she insisted it was open to interpretation.)
#09
Iraq War: Bad Idea
(Iraq War II: Worse Idea)
#10
Coke II: Bad Idea
(Coke III: Genius)
#11
Cats with poor grammar will be revered by the masses.
(kThxBai!!!1!)
#12