John McCain Is Too Old To...
Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain may be a lot of things, but the overriding factor is his age. Yes, McCain is older than time itself, and thus too old to do many, many things you and I enjoy on a regular basis. Here's a short list of some things we think John McCain is far too old to do.
#01
Receive a blood transfusion.
(His blood type predates current human evolution.)
#02
Mosh.
(He was too old for this when moshing was invented.)
#03
Participate in a hot dog eating contest.
(Unless they are liquefied hot dogs.)
#04
Use a laptop.
(He doesn't trust a computer that doesn't fill up a room and require a full time staff.)
#05
Program his cell phone.
(He keeps looking for the crank on the side. Never mind his digital watch!)
#06
Watch professional sports.
(Since when were the leagues integrated anyway?)
#07
Wear braces.
(Requires more than 4 teeth on both upper and lower jaw.)
#08
Be our grandfather.
(Great-great-grandfather, maybe.)
#09
To be called old.
(Come on, he's ancient!)
#10
Be alive.
(Science is dumbfounded.)
#11
Go to the movies.
(He's confused by both color and sound.)
#12