Reasons Why Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman Should Reconcile
When we heard Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman had broken up, we were heartbroken. We couldn't believe it. We felt lost. All we wanted to do was put on our fat pants and eat a lot of Ben & Jerry's. Seriously. They need to get back together - and fast. Here's why.
#01
More "I'm f*cking someone" music videos.
(Yeah, this was their most famous gag, but there were so many more famous twosomes they could have done: Steven Spielberg & George Lucas, Ben & Jerry, Tom & Jerry, etc.)
#02
The kids! Just think of the kids!
(No, they haven't had any kids yet. That's exactly the problem!)
#03
It will ruin the Emmys.
(The Emmys will become a grudgefest where we all focus on who snagged the hotter date instead of the - uh - important stuff.)
#04
Sarah's jokes about lesbians won't be as funny anymore.
(Because we've always had our suspicions about Tig Notaro...)
#05
She'll never find anyone else who will put up with her bed-wetting.
(No, seriously, she's a bed-wetter.)
#06
She said she wouldn't get married until gays could, but now they can in California.
(So she's setting back gay rights by 50 years.)
#07
That whole joke about Joe Franklin raping her won't be as funny anymore.
(We'll pretend it was funny in the first place.)
#08
Come on, Jimmy? Where's Jimmy going to get another girlfriend ever?
(Seriously, ever.)
#09
The break-up will allow Jimmy more time to spend with his kids from a previous marriage.
(Would you want this man alone with your children? Having him alone with Adam Carolla's kids is bad enough.)
#10