Celebrity Sex Tapes We Hope We Never See
Granted, every single sex tape ever is one we wish we hadn't seen. If only there were some celebrity sex tape M.I.B. to take care of that for us. Just in case any of the following celebrities are considering joining the ranks of Paris Hilton or Dustin Diamond, here's a list of celebrity sex tapes we'll be avoiding in the first place.
#01
Michael Moore.
(Not just because we're part of the vast Right Wing conspiracy.)
#02
Queen Latifah.
(Because it would violate the, uh, Regal Code of Decorum, obviously.)
#03
Richard Simmons.
(His workout videos are scary enough.)
#04
Maggie Smith.
(We would never be able to watch Harry Potter the same way again.)
#05
Jack Black.
(Don't get us wrong. He's sexy. Just not on video. Please, never on video.)
#06
Jamie Lee Curtis.
(She's a man, baby!.)
#07
Tom Cruise.
(Scientology sex? Doesn't that involve tentacles or levitating or magenta auras or something?)
#08
Kirstie Alley.
(See above. Also, fat.)
#09
Saoirse Ronan.
(Wildy inappropriate.)
#10